Chocolate - the phenomenal prodigy of flavours that have been tingling my taste buds throughout my entire life. The terrific texture is as smooth as silk, caressing all my senses with every bite. As I excitedly wait for the car to pull up in the driveway, I can't help but hear the chocolate, awaiting me in the kitchen, calling me. It is an anticipating feast ready to burst in my mouth as I rapidly return from a long, dragging day at school. Whether it's white, dark, milk, Belguim or Swiss chocolate, neither fails to tantalize and leave me craving for more. The sweet smell of chocolate stimulates my senses, which leaves my stomach roaring like a lion keen to be pleasured with the addictive taste some more. Chocolate is the basis of every fantasy with its rich, velvet, delightful feeling triggering every emotion, engulfing every sense and stirring all my passions as it fails to ever disappoint. Furthermore, chocolate is the key to every girl's heart as there isn't a single individual who would dream to differ. My personal favourite is galaxy as it is available in many varieties such as cookie crumble, double chocolate, caramel and many more. It can even be brought as a hot chocolate! Each version collaborates an innumerable amount of sensations, leaving me tempted to buy bar after bar of the luxurious substance. Having grown up together, chocolate has become a significant part of my life; some many find it weird, others may agree but everyone knows that chocolate will always be there in their cupboards!
5 comments:
Fantastic post Serena, you have expressed yourself with real flair. Your delightful combination of adjectives and verbs literally bring to life your love of chocolate. I particularly liked the line: "Having grown up together...", here you have used a very clever/subtle form of personification making the chocolate seem more like a friend than food. Brilliant!
To improve the piece, there are just a few simple errors that while they don't inhibit the meaning, do leave your writing lacking the polish it deserves. Please proof read and check some of your spelling and punctuation, e.g.: "Belgium" should be "Belgian" and I'm fairly certain "galaxy" should have a capital g.
Regards,
Mr. M.
Hi Serena. Loved your use of alliteration - you really evoked the all of the senses in your writing. Miss O'Reilly
There is some really effective vocabulary which allows a really vivid description of the chocolate as well as emphasising its importance to you! I really enjoyed reading this.
I think that perhaps some greater variety of more sophisticated punctuation would help you to add emphasis to some of your descriptions and although it is nice to see you using similes, perhaps a more creative/original one might add to the piece.
Well written Serena, made me want to get some! The opening is great - your simile and alliteration, "as smooth as silk, caressing all my senses", makes you crave the stuff already. Try to include a variety of punctuation - !?;: - this could add to the mood you have created.
Well done you!
Fabulous rich descriptions, Serena. I know a number of people who would echo your sentiments very strongly.
-- MrHarcombe
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